I did have another idea for the post this week but I had a bit of an epiphany.  I read an article yesterday that really got me thinking.  I am not sure if I have mentioned anything personal about myself on this blog but I am an Australian and I am currently in Canada on a two year working visa.  At the moment I am working in a hostel as a cleaner and receptionist.  And in case you are wondering, yes, I hate my job.

The article I read was about women being able to have it all.  If you are interested you can read the article HERE.  To be honest, I only read the first page but I found it interesting and honest and generally thought provoking, though my thoughts weren’t provoked by my own inability to have it all.  It made me realise that I have nothing in comparison.

I don’t usually compare my life to anyone else’s.  I make my choices to suit myself.  The woman writing the article discusses her work/life balance and had worked hard to achieve the positions she held.  She has a university position, had worked two years in a high ranking government position, and has a husband and two teenage boys.

I personally have no desire to have kids or a husband so this should really free up my time to work hard to do what I really do want to do.  I always thought that I just wanted to travel and that is what my choices were based on.  But I’m in my 30’s and I realise now that as much as I want to travel in order to do this I really have to stop working such shit jobs and find something I can do that contributes to something on the larger scale.  Something that is more challenging, that I can learn from and that will not only complement my desire to travel but fund it as well.

I already know that I hate customer service and cleaning so after reading this particular article I asked myself:  What the hell do you think you are doing?  I’m not biding my time for something to come along, I was clearly wasting my time.  If I want to be a writer I should write.  I should be getting any and all experience whether it be paid or volunteer.  I should be getting out there a lot more than I actually am.  I can use any excuse to make myself feel better but the simple fact is that I haven’t even began to try.

The woman who wrote the article works hard, managers her time and tries to do the best job she can whether it be professor, her government job, wife or mother.  In order to have it all you need to be able to balance everything out, including your own expectations.

I on the other hand have done nothing.  My previous post was about investing time, effort and energy in yourself and your endeavours.  I haven’t even stayed true to my own words.  I am more than disappointed in myself.  I need to take a good, hard look at myself.  Do I really want to be a writer?  Am I truly happy with the prospect of working shit jobs for the rest of my life?  For me it is not a question of having it all.  The question I need to ask myself is what do I want?  What am I willing to do to get there?  Do I have the drive and determination to make my dream a reality?

What I have come to realise is that I really need to stop dicking about wasting time and just take the leap.  I need to start having faith in my own abilities.  I need to put myself out there and up for rejection.  I need to stop hiding in the ease of shit jobs and start doing some good old fashioned hard work.  The time to do that is now.  Not tomorrow, not next week but now.

If you have enjoyed this post and have any advice or encouraging words to offer, please contribute to the comments below.